Chimpanzee That! No More Monkey News

It's a sad day for us fans of the man with the roundest head in the world.

Karl Pilkington will do no more podcasts.
That means no more monkey news or stories about his Auntie Nora farting for five minutes or hairy Chinese kids or alien abductions or horses living in houses or Rockbusters or freaks or any of the hundreds of topics covered on The Ricky Gervais Show.

If you're unfamiliar with Karl's inane ramblings, it's best if you head over to YouTube and search for "Karl Pilkington". You're bound to find clips of all the things I mentioned above and more, all of which will, no doubt, make you either laugh or cry with laughter.

That is, if you can stand Ricky's hyena like laugh and constant interjection of things like "You've got to be kidding!", "Absolute bollocks!" and "I'm about to burst!", which usually comes after a particularly ridiculous story of Karl's.

But honestly, any fan will tell you that it's often Ricky's outbursts which make Karl's stories funnier. I don't know of a funnier moment (and greater Ricky outburst) than when Karl tells the story of Siamese twins who got run over. When Karl says the story piqued his interest because he thought they should have looked both ways, Ricky lets loose a sound never before heard out of a human being. And while I can't accurately describe the screech, I can say that it never fails to make me double over with laughter.

I also love when Karl and Steve have a go at each other. It usually starts off when Karl makes a comment about Steve's height (he's 6 feet, 7 inches tall). Then Ricky, who always likes to stir the pot, will bring up how Karl felt about Steve when they first met. And that's all Karl needs. Before you know it, he's on about Steve's eyes (as Ricky mumbles, "goggle-eyed freak"), his trouble with women and his stinginess with money.

My favorite bit between the two is when Karl calls in and tells Steve that an alien in Men in Black 2 looks like his brother. It had big eyes and was gangly, Karl said, but ultimately wasn't as weird as Steve because it had a normal voice. At this point, the sparks are flying and I'm dying with laughter. But when Steve comes back and tells Karl he looks like the Humanzee, a hypothetical human/chimpanzee hybrid, I lose it.

Because if you've seen Karl, he really does look like a shaved monkey. Steve's right. He walks like the Humanzee, is bald like him and has the same gormless face.

But Karl's simian features are not what this blog's about. Or maybe it is. It might be that the constant ridicule from Ricky and Steve got to be too much for poor Karl. Or maybe he ran out of stories to tell about his often strange life. Or nothing exciting is going on in the monkey world to warrant an update.

Who knows?

Apparently, Ricky does. He's been keeping fans up to date on the goings on in Karl's life in a blog on his website. And it's in the latest and last blog that he breaks the news that Karl has finally put his foot down. No more podcasts. Well, no more free podcasts. But Ricky wants to give something free to the fans, a one off farewell show to thank everyone for listening.

Yet Karl's having none of it. And that's what makes me sad.

No one has made me laugh more than Ricky, Steve and Karl. I know I can count on them to crack me up to the point of tears whenever I listen to their shows.

That's why I want to pull a Ricky and squeeze Karl's little baldy head for making this decision. But I guess I can't be mad at Karl for too long. Maybe Ricky was right when he wrote on his blog that Karl's sick of playing the fool.

But honestly, all jokes aside, Karl is no fool. He just looks at the world a bit differently than the rest of us. And its his perspective on things which put the podcasts on my must listen to list.

So whatever ends up happening with the trio, it's probably for the best. I mean, Ricky and Steve will write another brilliant tv show or direct a movie or star in one.

And Karl will putter around London rescuing bees that have heart attacks. And that's why we love him, podcast or not.

5 Lost Characters I Wouldn't Mind Seeing Dead

I could start this blog with an introduction as to who we are and why we’re doing this but it would be a boring introduction that would consist of we wanted to start a blog. There you have it really, and you may wonder why we should start a blog? Well it’s the internet and we can do what we want so really….no, honestly, who wouldn’t want to start a blog?

I’ve thought long and hard on how to ‘open’ this blog officially and I wanted to do something involving LOST but didn’t want to do the same old same old. Well the thought came to me while walking to class that watching a show like LOST is indeed a lesson in trying not to invest too much in the characters because really no one is safe. With the second half of season 4 starting in just four days, it’s occurred to me that we probably have a few more deaths before the season is out. Just look at last season’s blood bath of a finale. So instead of doing the usual, ‘Let’s Talk About the Characters we Think May Die’ or ‘I Don’t Want So and So To End Up In The Zombie Season’, I’ve decided that instead, I’ll do the ‘Top 5 Losties I wouldn’t Mind Seeing Dead’.

Now I’ve tried to stay quite objective on this, instead of focusing on the characters I hate vs the characters I love, and instead trying to focus on whose story just no longer serves a point. Or whatever other reason I could think of to wish death upon these people. So here it is

5 Captain Gault
Despite his seemingly tough exterior, I think the good Captain is more of an idiot than he lets on. I don’t think he’s really as important as he seems to think he is. More like the kind of guy where you tell him the earth is really square and he’ll believe you if you give him enough photo shopped evidence to support your findings. (Not to mention enough cash).

4 Karl
Ok, I know I may be cheating with this one a little bit since he DID already get shot, and most likely is already dead, but still. This is mostly to support the fact that Karl should stay dead. Don’t get me wrong, I love Karl, I think he’s great and I think there was a lot of room for character development there, but I don’t think there was much more they could do with his character on this show. (Although I suspect he’ll be very popular in the Zombie Season). It’s just, there wasn’t much left for Karl to do besides lust after Alex and try and protect her and really the girl can more than fend for herself.

3 Charlotte
I don’t really make it unknown that I can’t stand her. But really that’s not surprising since I have trouble liking most female characters on TV, but something about her character really gets to me. Of all the Frieghties, I think she is the most useless. What has she done so far besides hit people in the head, lie, and be sarcastic? It seems like her sole purpose right now is to look after Dan, which will become abundantly clear is unnecessary when we find out Dan is indeed a ninja.

But I digress. This isn’t about the fact that Dan will pwn them all with his awesome ninja skills and it will be best WTF moment of LOST, no this is about the fact that the role of Charlotte could easily be trumped by any other character. Mostly because we know almost nothing about the Frieghties makes them all quite replaceable in that way. And of course, because really Charlotte has the least interesting back story of the lot. Besides Frank, but he’s kind of awesome in that adorably useless way.

2 Claire
What does Claire do nowadays besides not mourn Charlie? Seems like our favorite Lostie Mom has been regulated to making Kate feel awkward and major speculation about just what the hell another woman is doing raising her child. And while this weeks episode looks like it will be a major turning point for the character (If we are to believe the never misleading promos) I still think that Claire’s story is pretty much told, and the only left for her is a spectacular death and an island will bequeathing her island baby on a not to happy about it Kate. Good luck Kate, I hope you handle motherhood better than your love life.

1 Sawyer
Some of you may be surprised that Jack isn’t in this slot and I’ve put my beloved Sawyer here instead. Well let’s be surprised together shall we? To be honest, Jack was my first thought but then I remembered I was trying to stay objective and when it came down to it, Jack might still have a story to tell, where I don’t see much for Sawyer. Unless there is a major plot development (which trust me I hope there is) I don’t see much else happening with the character. They’ve told his story and while the love quadrangle is oh so interesting, I just don’t think ‘1/4 of a Tedious Love Story’ is really enough to keep a character around. I don’t often criticize my idols but, Damon and Carlton, piss or get off the pot with this one. Do something with his character or put us out of our misery.

Well there you have it. A nice morbid post to start off the blog. The good part about all these deaths? More characters for the Zombie Season. Agree? Disagree? Don’t care either way? Feel free to tell me all about it in the comments.